Making Good Mistakes

Ironic?  How do we make a good mistake? Is it even possible.  The trouble with parents is that we always think we're right.  We're older, supposedly wiser and have more experience.  We know stuff, right.  Therefore our children should always obey us without question.  We don't negotiate becausewe're always right.  Besides, we're bigger, have more power, and we want things done our way.  Regardless of our age, this sounds like our parents,  But before we know it, we have become our parents and we cringe.

I remember one day when our kids were younger, I had said we were going to do something fun.  I don't remember what it was.  But one of them misbehaved, so I said, "Well, we were going to bla bla, but now we're notbecause you've been naughty."  My daughter was very upset and said, "You always do that.  It's not fair.  You say you're going to do something and then you take it away."  Ouch!  She was about nine years old, and she was right.  That's not fair.  I had ablind spot and I needed to listen to my nine year old to know about it.  I had made a mistake. 

After thinking about it, I said to the kids I hadn't been fair.  Let's go bla, bla.  I admitted I was wrong.  I don't recall my parents ever doing that.  Even when it was obvious they were wrong, we all pretended it wasn't, so as to keep up the illusion and avoid conflict.

Another example of not being fair happened before we began home schooling.  Our daughter had misbehaved at school.  I can't remember what she did.  Something trivial I'm sure.  Schools can be so petty.  She was punished at school, and a letter came home, so I punished her as well!  Again my daughter protested that she had already been punished, and it wasn't fair to be punished twice.  She was right.  So I didn't apply another consequence.  In hindsight, I would have been better to comfort her and ask her what happened.  Instead I was out for perfection and to erradicate all mistakes.  To be seen to be a good parent by disciplining.  I could have been a better parentby being loving and understanding and keeping my word.

Allowing our children to make mistakes is part of them growing up.  Perhaps, it's part of our growing up as parents?  Mistakes are good if we learn from them.